Scottish Mussel

A resourceful Scottish chancer falls for a conservationist in a film that encompasses ruthless gangsters and endangered Highland mussels. From this very strange premise emerges an even stranger film. Talulah Riley gives herself the starring role as writer/director (in her behind-the-scenes debut) and makes Martin Compston her leading man despite their staggering lack of chemistry. That makes the film all the more puzzling as it grasps around for purpose, mired in bad dialogue that leads to dead-end subplots. Additionally, the lack of any credible threat, either from cardboard gangsters or stilted love rivals makes this a series of peculiar misadventures. All the jokes miss the mark as well even though, surrounding the couple, are familiar faces in comedy including Harry Enfield and Russell Kane. Mostly, the supporting cast do horrendous accents and contribute little to the plot. Listless from start to end, there is nothing to be salvaged from this dreadful Highland fling.