Diana Parkes urges to "break the cycle of violence" as she joins Queen Camilla in new ITV documentary on domestic abuse
"It's time to break the cycle."
This article contains discussions surrounding domestic abuse some readers may find upsetting.
This article first appeared in Radio Times magazine.
Joanna Simpson – or Jo to me – was wonderful, talented, beautiful and kind. She was the perfect daughter, which, of course, most mothers would say, but she truly was. Everybody loved Jo, except her husband, Robert.
At Halloween in 2010, a week before the finalisation of their divorce and within earshot of her two young children in the family home in Ascot, he killed Jo with a claw hammer before burying her in a pre-dug grave in Windsor Great Park.
Abuse can take different forms and it can take years for a victim to recognise what's happening to them. I would urge anyone who feels they're in an abusive situation – please talk to someone, you are not alone.
Even at the time of Jo's death, the issue of domestic abuse was still brushed under the carpet. There was a widely used phrase, "Oh, it's just another domestic". I had to keep saying, 'Just another domestic' can lead to murder."
During her marriage to Robert Brown, a captain with BA, Jo was the victim of abuse through coercive control, isolation and intimidation. It was a great step forward in 2015 when coercive control was criminalised, but the statistics remain horrifying – according to the charity Refuge, in England and Wales a woman is killed by a current or former partner every five days.
After my daughter was battered to death, aged 46, my grandchildren moved in with me on the Isle of Man and, at the age of 71, I began parenting all over again. They have been my salvation, and I think I've been theirs, too. I don't know how I would have carried on without them.
However, some grandparents can't afford or aren't physically able to take on this role. What happens to these children is a terrible lottery. They're put in care, fostered and removed from all the things that they know. It's the children who are often the forgotten victims.
It was Jo's love for her children, who are now lovely, thriving adults, that inspired me and her close friend Hetti Barkworth-Nanton to set up The Joanna Simpson Foundation in 2014. Hetti also went on to become the chair of Refuge. So many children and young people witness or are directly subjected to domestic abuse every year and we want to ensure those who are affected are supported.
I met the Queen, then the Duchess of Cornwall, two years after launching the foundation. We were one of six families recounting the horrendous deaths of our loved ones. Later, I was invited to a reception at Clarence House. She came up to me and said, pointing a finger, "You are responsible for me getting involved in this!" That was a moving moment because she is helping remove the shroud of secrecy around domestic abuse. I hope that this week's ITV documentary, Her Majesty the Queen: Behind Closed Doors, which follows the Queen as she meets families like mine, will boost awareness.
There is still much to be done. We and so many other victims are terrified of perpetrators being let out early. Brown was due to be released in November last year after serving half of his 26-year sentence but, after tireless campaigning, this was blocked by the government.
It was a deep injustice that in 2011 he was convicted of manslaughter instead of murder due to diminished responsibility. Murder laws, sentencing and procedures are still steeped in the 1950s and we are urging the Prime Minister and Lord Chancellor to meet us to discuss the need for change.
With the influence of figures like Andrew Tate promoting misogyny, we must use education and cultural change to break the cycle of violence. As a society we must wake up to the threat of domestic abuse and violence against women and girls, and empower the next generation.
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Her Majesty The Queen: Behind Closed Doors will air on ITV1 and ITVX at 9pm on Monday 11th November.
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