Exclusive – Gogglebox narrator Craig Cash takes us behind the scenes as show returns for celebrity special
From how he deals with last-minute panics, to whether he'd appear on the celebrity version himself, Craig Cash spills all the details on one of Channel 4's much-loved shows.
By: Michael Hogan
Craig Cash has just raced back from Portugal before the air corridor closed, having flown over to watch his beloved Manchester City play in the Champions League Final. When they lost to Chelsea, Cash consoled himself by turning the trip into a week’s holiday.
“Unbeknownst to me when I booked it, our hotel turned out to be where the p**sing Chelsea team were staying,” laughs the BAFTA-winning writer and producer. “They were all posing for selfies with the trophy on a balcony the following morning. It put me right off my Full English.”
Happily for us viewers, he’s just in time to resume vocal duties as a new series of Celebrity Gogglebox takes over from the “civilian” edition in Channel 4’s Friday night schedules.
The 60-year-old’s distinctive Stockport tones have been narrating the beloved franchise full-time for five years. (It’s an eight-year stint if you include his spells filling in for previous incumbent Caroline Aherne, his longtime friend and collaborator, when she fell ill with cancer.)
RadioTimes.com asked Cash to spill some secrets from behind the Gogglebox scenes. They involve rude graffiti, interrupted grocery shopping, scene-stealing dogs, uneaten cakes and blubbing builders.
Strike up Kodaline’s “Perfect World” theme song and pass the remote!
On his DIY home studio
“Since lockdown, I've been doing it from the coat cupboard under my stairs. When we realised lockdown was about to happen, I ran out and got my own microphone. I soundproofed it with an old duvet and the cushions from the lounge. Little did I realise they’d still be in there 16 months later. It’s like a padded cell. But I tell you what, it cuts down on the traffic in the morning. I commute to under my own stairs. The problem is, the cupboard is adjacent to the downstairs toilet so nobody can use it on a Friday morning. Initially I put up a sign saying ‘Do not flush’, only to come back later and find that one of my sons had drawn a big c**k and balls on it. That’s the sort of respect they show their father.”
On how his narration is recorded
“I do my bit at the 11th hour. I get sent the script on Thursday night and record at 7.30am on Friday. I link to a studio in Manchester, which in turn links to a studio in London, where the producers and directors are. They might tell me to speed up, slow down, whether my intonation’s right. It’s close to the wire to keep things current but usually it all runs smoothly.”
On last-minute panics
“I was out shopping a couple of months ago when, rather inconsiderately, Prince Philip died. I got a phone call asking if we could rejig the start of the show to say ‘In the week that His Royal Highness Prince Philip sadly passed away…’ It was most inconvenient. I was halfway through a big shop at Aldi and had to bomb back. Another time, I was on my way up to Scotland when Theresa May resigned. I had to pull over, find somewhere quiet and record it on my phone.”
On choosing the opening topical line
“I occasionally suggest things for ‘In the week that…’ but usually it’s something like ‘In the week that Manchester City won the Premier League’, so they politely decline. They’re often obituaries. It’s like, ‘Who’s died this week?’ I sometimes joke with my producer Leon that I’m like the man with the trolley during Plague times, singing ‘Bring out your dead’.”
On introducing the cast and their locations
“I get criticism for how I say, ‘In Wiltshire…’ but I don’t quite understand why. People come up to me at the football and ask me to record a message ‘in your Gogglebox voice’. It’s just my voice, mate, I don’t put this on. They often want me to end it with ‘And we enjoyed lots of great telly’. I get all sorts of bizarre requests. I was once on the radio with the old England football manager and he asked me to say ‘Giles and his wife Mary’. I thought, ‘Right, OK, whatever turns you on.’”
On the sofa he’d like to sit on
“You’re trying to slyly ask who’s my favourite, aren’t you? I love them all dearly. I honestly think the show is cast brilliantly. It’s a great mix of people and you warm to them all. I guess I could sit with the Siddiquis. Their sofa looks comfy. Or the Malones, if there’s room next to them bloody big Rottweilers. They always have nice Mr Kipling cakes laid out, although nobody ever seems to eat them. I reckon they give them to Dave the dog when they finish filming.”
On which Goggleboxer he most resembles
“I tend to watch telly with a glass of wine or 10, so in that respect it would probably Dave and Shirley from Caerphilly. Dave always seems to have a drink in his hand. Pete and Sophie do too, so maybe I’m like Pete. They enjoy themselves with a glass of something nice in front of the telly. That’s how I like to relax too.”
On being recognised
“A whole new generation have grown up who never saw me on The Royle Family or Early Doors. They don’t know my face but I still get recognised for my voice. Even if I’m in disguise somewhere, I’ll speak in a queue and people will go ‘Ooh, Gogglebox! It’s you, isn’t it?’. It’s hard to escape it.”
On his Celebrity Gogglebox favourites
“Shaun Ryder and Bez. I could watch a whole hour with just them. They’re absolute gold-dust. I’ve pleaded with Channel 4 to make a whole series, At Home With Shaun & Bez. It would be solid gold.”
On appearing on Celebrity Gogglebox himself
“I don’t think they’d be able to broadcast my unfiltered thoughts on TV! Besides, I’ve sort of done that with Jim Royle. He aired my frustration with TV via incognito means. It’d also be difficult to narrate and be on it at the same time. ‘In Manchester… Oh, it’s me.’”
On making grown men cry
“It’s lovely that Gogglebox has become part of people’s Friday nights and to hear them talking about it on a Saturday. It gives the nation a buzz. It’s unique in the way it moves people. Hairy-a**ed builders come up and say it made them cry.”
On Gogglebox during the COVID era
“It’s been a morale-booster, which makes me dead proud. At a time when Britain is supposed to be broken, Gogglebox shows how it’s unbroken in spirit. It’s multi-cultural, multi-generational and there’s definitely a shared sense of humour. During the pandemic, it showed us that others were going through the same experiences. We got moved to tears by the same things. We squirmed or poked fun at the same bits. There’s unity there. The country all felt the same way and the show reflected that.”
On his global Gogglebox counterparts
“There are lots of international editions but I’ve only ever met the US guy. He was very American and charming. Not like me.”
On watching TV through the Gogglebox lens
“I watch so many programmes vicariously through it. Sometimes it’s a nice taster and I’ll start watching a series properly. Other times I’m like, ‘Nah, I won’t bother.’ Like The Yorkshire Vet, where he’s permanently got his arm embedded in a cow’s behind. I loved it when they were watching Line Of Duty and couldn’t understand what was happening. We were exactly the same. I kept pausing it to ask my wife what was going on. It took two-and-a-half hours to watch each episode.”
On The Royle Family’s influence on Gogglebox
“It feels lovely to have partly inspired the next generation of TV - especially a show that’s gone on so long and become so popular. Someone took what we did and made a whole new show out of it, with a completely fresh structure and format. It’s the best thing. It gives me a warm glow. Hopefully now Gogglebox will inspire another generation.”
On taking over from the late Caroline Aherne
“In the show’s infancy, I filled in for Caroline when she was ill. She wanted me to do it and obviously I couldn’t refuse. Doing the show makes me feel close to her, although she’s never far from my thoughts anyway. When she was still with us, we’d chat about the show and have a good laugh about it. It brings back memories.”
On whether he’ll hand the job down to Ralf Little someday
“Ralf’s got enough work. He’s doing that bloody detective show, Death In Paradise. I don’t think we’d get him off the beach.”
On being the voice of one of Britain’s best-loved shows
“Honest to God, it’s a real privilege. I’m a proper fan of the show and I don’t say that because I’m in it - far from it. It makes me laugh out loud, so I’m thrilled to be a little cog in the machine. When people thank me or tell me how much they love it, I feel guilty because I play such a small part. Producers and crews work long hours all week. It’s bloody difficult in telly to get something to look so simple. It takes ages to edit and get the comic timing right. They have a really tight deadline to get the whole thing cut and approved. I don’t get to see much of the show until it airs, so I genuinely look forward to watching it. They surprise you every week. It’s the funniest show on telly.”
Celebrity Gogglebox returns to Channel 4 on Friday, 4th June at 9pm. In the meantime if you’re looking for something to watch, check out our TV Guide or visit our dedicated Entertainment hub.
