In fact, he only booked two of the three performers in the act, meaning Djalili himself had to take to the stage and cover his modesty with a pair of balloons.
Fortunately, Djalili wasn’t the performer who accidentally showed his “three-piece suite”, as Lord Sugar said. But he was still taken to the final boardroom with Rylan and Sam Allardyce after it was revealed the Boys had earned £126,790 compared to the Girls’ £254,326.
Granted, Sugar’s aide Claude Littner conceded that the Girls team were better placed to secure talent like contestant's Ayda Williams’ husband Robbie Williams (“I don’t want to be indiscreet, but she sleeps with him"). However, Djalili was quickly blamed for the Boys’ failure.
“They were sat in their chairs and we began the evening by flapping men’s genitals in their faces!” said Russell Kane.
However, as all was, ahem, laid bare in the boardroom, Djalili disagreed with the criticism: “I refuse to accept that was the reason why the evening was less successful than Robbie Williams.”
“I hate to say it, but I think it left a sour taste in people’s mouths,” Rylan replied.
Lord Sugar couldn’t help agree with the project manager. “I mean bringing in that balloon act, it was unbelievable – and for that reason, I do believe that you [Omid] are culpable,” he said.
Although Sugar voiced concerns over Allardyce’s lack of contribution, the manager avoided a red card: “The good news is that I’m the first football chairman that’s not going to fire you,” he said.
Sugar then promptly gave Djalili the firing finger – well, at least he tried to.
After Djalili replied, “No. You’re Fired!”, the two engaged in a “You’re Fired” rally before the comedian finally conceded the point. Exiting the boardroom, Djalili called out: “I need to speak to my lawyers right now, thank you very much!”
But despite Djalili’s deflated ego, he still leaves the show as part of ten celebrities who raised a whopping £382,392 for Comic Relief, part of which will hopefully help a seemingly shellshocked Rylan.
You can donate money via their website here and find out more about the night of entertainment ahead with our full Red Nose Day guide.
